I forgot to tell you all before this, by Dr. Susan Newman, Author of Parenting an only Child, The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only , will be on 20/20 tonight talking about only children and the myths that surround the only child.
As a parent to an only child, who will likely remain an only child, this is a topic close to my heart. Certainly as time has passed, those close to me have accepted that not having more children is not a *being a mom is so hard, am NEVER doing this again* decision I will grow out of, but rather a lifestyle choice that I have made because I know it is what is best for my family, including my daughter. Probably because she is almost 5 now…and most moms get over the *never again* stage of having a baby long before that!
Actually, I am finally at a place where I think I could cope with the addition of a baby…but I just don’t want to. Life is so good with my husband, a job I love, some fun hobbies, and a 4 year old. I only see it getting better as she gets older. I have no craving for a baby. No baby fever whatsoever. Zip. Zero. I see and hold and snuggle and coo at friend’s babies…but I am happy to give them back and don’t even feel a twinge of desire for one of my own.
So, even though my friends and family seem to have accepted that my decision is likely final, and seem to agree that it is best for my family (or are too scared of my wrath to to say otherwise), strangers and new aquaintances are another story.
They often ask when my little girl is getting a sibling. They often react with disbelief, shock, horror and sometimes even disgust when I tell them she likely won’t be. They tell me she will be lonely, spoiled, unhappy, socially inept, alone when she is older…etc. They tell me that I am selfish, or that I will change my mind, or remind me she may not take care of me when I am old, or ask how old I am and tell me how much longer I will be fertile. Whatever. They get an earful!!!
Back to the show; I did read Dr. Newman’s book, and quite enjoyed it. I am looking forward to seeing what she has to say.
Dina said,
August 17, 2007 @ 10:09 pm
saw the segment…was a little short, i wish she would have had time to discuss in detail a little more (the show was about myth busters in general and not specifically about only children) BUT what i did catch from her seemed to make perfect sense
The Mommanista said,
August 17, 2007 @ 10:31 pm
Yeah, it was quite short…and she did not say anything I did not know (since I have read her book,and a lot of other research on only children), but the more other people hear it, the better!!!
Reserach has shown over and over that only children are no more spoiled, unhappy, or lacking in social skills than any other kids!!! The more people that hear it, the less people that will stop thinking I am doing something awful to my child by not “giving” her a sibling (ya know, as if a baby is a gift to an existing child as oppossed to a person in their own right) and I am not subjecting her to some horrible fate.
Not that I think having more kids is wrong, sibling are (well, can be)
great and so are (well, can be) big families. But it is not right for me…and if it is not right for me, it is not right for my family.
On another note, I may need to check out the “ab diet” book!
karen said,
August 18, 2007 @ 7:41 am
People can be so insensitive. As I’ve said before, you’re doing what’s right for your family, so end of story. Your little sweetie will be just fine as an only child despite what some of society wants to think! And you’re right, she’s at a great age now where you can actually really start enjoying doing things as a family without worrying about the tantrum, crying, diapering etc… yikes, thank goodness it’s my siblings going through that now, and not me!
G’s getting to the point where it really is getting fun again – and people have the nerve to ask me if I want a 3rd – uhhh – NO WAY!