it feels like the whole world is conspiring to break my heart just a little bit more.
It seems like everyone on the world who wants to be pregnant (all the ones I know personally anyways) are. Except me. Lots of people I know who don’t want to be (or at least did not try or plan or originally want to be) are pregnant as well. Yesterday at the girl’s birthday party, I got to watch 2 wonderfully fertile women play with their kids and rub their bellies. Then we went to the mall. There were no signs advertising it, but it was clearly pregnancy day. I am not exaggerating when I say that over 50% of the women we saw there were obviously pregnant. I am pretty sure even the man noticed. Today another one of my on-line friends announced that she is pregnant, her first month trying. I starting trying with a whole group of on-line friends, about 6 of them. I am the only one left of the ones I started with, and several that started after me are already pregnant as well. I should be happy for all the pregnant woman. I am happy for them. But it hurts to be the one left behind. And I blame myself for waiting so long.
Jeannie said,
March 11, 2008 @ 1:41 am
:( I so know that feeling. and it sucks. It took Lino and I three very long years to get pregnant with Maggie and Cassie. Relatives got pregnant, high school kids that worked for me got pregnant :O, people would come into my store complaining about their beautiful children (really being mean and I was like I will take them, all 4 of them! they were just wonderful kids!)
It is soo hard. I even remember how I felt at a cousins baby shower. Forced myself to go, because I _was_ happy for her, but the whole time, I was thinking, ‘why not me?’.
No real advice, but I wanted to let you know, I understand…..
Jennifer said,
March 11, 2008 @ 2:45 am
I’m sorry. It will happen. The best advise…keep busy and don’t obsess. WAY easier said than done.
I started to get pregnant after quitting my FT job and going to university. I was at that point despondent and convinced we would never have children.
The Blogger said,
March 11, 2008 @ 3:03 am
The thing is, I am not even so desperate for another child. I wanted one child for years, and know I would uitimately be happy (and have more handbags) if my family were to stay as it is. But I decided to have another, and it drives me mad that I cannot seem to do so. I am far too task oriented for this TTC crap. I HATE TTC with the fire of a thousand torches.
I wont be quitting my FT job anytme soon.
ingrid said,
March 11, 2008 @ 11:54 am
Sorry jill. My cousin took 14 months to get prego……ya know it can be hard, you will get through.
thinking of u.
~i.
Wendy said,
March 11, 2008 @ 11:23 pm
I totally know what you are saying. “We”, meaning DH, decided to not have anymore and now I want another one more than ever. And like you, I would be fine with our family and would have more vacations and handbags, especially with school tutition. However, when my mind is set, it is set. Very hard to accept what is not going to happen. And we are those people that don’t get pregnant unless we are trying. I was hoping for a happy accident, but no luck with DH on the job.
I, too, have noticed all the pregnant women and the brand new babies that I stare a little too long at. I think a woman, the other day, thought I was either a stalker or going to snag her baby.
I am hoping for the best for you and I hope it happens when it is suppose to without many problems. I think of you often and praying that you get what you want.
Good Luck
The Blogger said,
March 12, 2008 @ 12:12 am
Thanx for the kind words everyone. I am 6 DPO (days past ovulation) now, so lets hope this is a better cycle than the last one. I ovulated REALLY late this month, but I did ovulate, so that is good news at least.
Leslie said,
March 12, 2008 @ 2:12 pm
Jill I swear every pregnant woman around comes out of the woodwork just when it really wants to make you vomit! Try not to feel so guilty for not wanting a baby sooner, you’re allowed to change your mind. Its going to happen. I know how hard it is, so I won’t tell you to relax, or stop thinking about it. Maybe go for a massage. Massage & acupuncture helped me deal with the worst of the stress.
Chrissy said,
March 20, 2008 @ 2:36 pm
I totally know how you feel. At my little nephew’s birthday, I found out that my SIL’s sister is 3 months pregnant. Though I am extremely happy for her, I can’t help but feel depressed and sad for myself. It DOES seem like EVERYONE except me is pregnant right now. I can’t even count how many pregnant women I saw in the course of the past few days! Crazy!
In my family, several of my cousins are either newly married or getting married within the next year. It sucks that everyone keeps saying stupid things like, “I wonder who the next couple to have a baby will be?” They automatically bypass Hubby and me and say “Oh, I think so-and-so will be next!”. I cannot tell you how much that hurts. To think that my own family has doubts that Hubby and I won’t conceive soon because we haven’t had any luck so far. I hate it. I just end up crying all the time because of their insensitivity to the situation.
I agree with Leslie. Try not to blame yourself for waiting. It’s totally not your fault and you are allowed to change your mind. A massage sounds like a great idea for relieving stress!
xoxo