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How has pregnancy changed me so far?

June 4, 2008 · Filed under a day in the life, about the blogger, another kid?, bellydancing, exercise, haircare, nailcare, pics of me, pregnancy 2008, womanly things

at only 11 weeks pregnant, pregnancy has already changed me in some significant ways:

1) My hair. I have decided to take advantage of the fact that hair tends to grow faster during pregnancy, and not cut it the whole pregnancy (well, I did when I first found out…but not again) in hopes of finally having longish hair. This, of course, only makes sense if I keep my hair helthy. So while I do plan to keep up just enough high-lights to not hate myself (a few foils every 3 months or so) I am no longer blow-drying or ironing my hair daily..only for rare special events. Instead I scrunch it up with some curling gel and leave it to dry naturally. Some days, it works. Some days it doesn’t. By the time I realize it is a bad day, I am already out the door…so I am just living with it.

2) My nails. All those months I did not get pregnant I kept up my bio-gel nails faithfully, telling myself they were a little gift to myself for not getting pregnant. Now, they are gone. I grew them out gracefully for a while, filing down the line and keeping them polished and not too long, but last week they started falling off, so I knawed off what was left of them. My nails are now short, bumpy and the polish peels off easily. Luckily, pregnancy also tends to make nails grow longer and stronger, so they should be looking pretty soon. BTW, I don’t think bio-gel is a problem in pregnancy…it is just that it seems an easy way to start budgetting, and like bad luck to keep them up after I spent months considering them a “not pregnant yet” thing to do.

3) Ice-cream and pop. 2 things I never ever used to have unless they were served to me at a party or someone’s house. Not that I disliked them…but I they just seemed too indulgant to have on a regular basis. I am now living on mint chocolate chip ice-cream and diet cream soda.

4) Exercise. I always planned to keep it up while pregnant, but just like last time, have not. I am walking a lot, but have found myself mostly too easily tired to do anything more exerting. As well, I had a little issue last week. After going to my first belly-dancing class in weeks, and exerting myself (I would say a class is similar exertion to a low-impact aerobics class) for the first time in weeks , I started bleeding. I had an ultrasound the next days and there was no indicaiton of a problem or blood in the uterus, so we don’t know what caused it and are thankful it has not come back. I know the exercise my be unrelated..but it left me fearful to do so again. I will deal with the weight gain after the baby comes. Actually, I found it very easy after the girl (and I gained a lot). Between nursing and being a very social person who was always walking the malls and going for walks with other new moms I met, the weight melted off. What happened when I returned to work is another story though…

5) The belly. I am not sure where it come from. The baby is still the size of a kumquat and quite low…yet I have looked like this for a couple weeks already. Not only does my belly stick out…it is hard. Not as hard as it will get…but harder than just pudge. And no, it isn’t twins. Good thing too…I was wondering how I would ever manage to hide twins from everyone I know the whole pregnancy and delivery so no one would know and try to stop me when when I gave one up for adoption!

6) The girl. I don’t know if she got more annying, or I got more irritable…but she does not stop talking, and I just want her to stop. I feel a rush of love when she is asleep though!

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Pregnancy FAQ

May 31, 2008 · Filed under a day in the life, about the blogger, another kid?, pregnancy 2008

I’ve gotten lots of questions yesterday and today here and on facebook, so I’ll answer some of them!

How far are you? When are you due? I am 10 weeks. Due December 25, 2008.

Is the girl excited? Yes, but it took some work. Since we had not planned to have other kids, she was always aware of the benefits of no siblings. Now, we have had to make her aware of the benefits of a sibling. She is now very excited, however I do think this will be a difficult adjustment for her. When the baby comes she will be almost 6. She is very accustomed to getting her own way a lot of the time, and getting a lot of attention. We try not to spoil her…but at the same time we try to pick our battles, and since there are 2 of us to 1 of her, there is often no really good reason for her not to get her way. This will change. We are trying to get her used to use to us sticking to our guns more now, so it wont seem like the baby’s fault to her. Luckily, she is still young enough to not connect us getting stricter now to the baby coming in 7 months. Any advice from those of my readers who have had widely spaced kids would be helpful.

How are you feeling? Fine. I am a little tired, and little queasy but nothing awful. I only throw up when I take my pre-natal vitamin on an empty stomach, which I have learned to stop doing. I did not have bad morning sickness with the girl either.

Do you know the gender/will you find out the gender/when will you find out the gender? The midwife says there is about a 50% chance of it being another girl. We will find out for sure in about 7 months.

Why did you change your mind about having one child? My life has changed a lot since I decided to have one child. At that time, I was in a position at work that was very stressful, had a lot of overtime, and did not balance well with parenthood…but I loved it and planned to stay there. I also was not ready to consider another baby at the point that most people seem to do so (start trying when their first is 1-2 years, to have them 2-3 years apart). The combination of knowing I could not manage 2 kids with my job, and knowing I did not want 2 little ones at the same time led me to decide to just stick with one. I liked not only those aspects of it, but also the finacnialand personal freedom one child would give my family-more money, more free time and me time and couple time, more space in our small home. So that was it, one child. The man would have liked more, but did not pressure me as he knew I was already very overwhelmed with trying to balance my job and my 1 child.

2 years ago I changed positions to one that, while still challenging and that I love, has a lot less overtime and is therefore a lot more conducive to having a family. It suddenly occured to me a year or so ago that I now felt I could handle another child, both given the girl’s age and my current position at work…but I was comfortable with my life as it was and pushed the thought away. Another child would mean more laundry and less handbags, after all! But once the thought had popped into my head, it would not stay away, especially since I knew the man really wanted another child. So, in the fall I decided to take a leap of faith and go for it. I was not sure it was what I wanted exactly…but I was sure I could manage it and would adjust to the change and love the baby once it came.

It actually took 7 months and one early loss (in February) for me to get pregnant. It was much more difficult than I had thought it would be (as the girl was conceived very easily), and very stressful. That time was also a blessing though, as in my struggles to become and stay pregnant I went beyond being willing to have another child to truly wanting it.

Aren’t you glad the girl wont be an only child after all? No, not really. The reason I made this decision was notfor the girl, so she would not be an only child. This baby is not a gift to her, but an addition to our family. I firmly stand by my belief that children do not need siblings and can lead happy and full lives without them, and that babies are not gifts to other kids and should not be created for the role they will have in another child’s life, but for their own existence. I think kids are happy when they are loved and nurtured and their needs are met, with or without siblings. As for adults, I know as many adults who have negative or non-existent relationships with their siblings as those that have good ones…so I see no reason to provide my child with a “lifelong companion”; since there is no gurantee that will happen anyways. With or without a sibling, I have always been confident that she will create for herself a circle of loving support, as I have. That is not to say I don’t hope the girl and the baby will love each other, and become lifelong companions and friends. I do hope so, as you can never be loved by too many people. But I do not see it as a given and do not feel I needed to save my daughter from being an only child.

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Summer wish-list

May 30, 2008 · Filed under another kid?, clothes, fashion, lust inducing, pregnancy 2008, shopping

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Better late then never…

August 17, 2007 · Filed under another kid?

I forgot to tell you all before this, by Dr. Susan Newman, Author of Parenting an only Child, The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only , will be on 20/20 tonight talking about only children and the myths that surround the only child.

As a parent to an only child, who will likely remain an only child, this is a topic close to my heart. Certainly as time has passed, those close to me have accepted that not having more children is not a *being a mom is so hard, am NEVER doing this again* decision I will grow out of, but rather a lifestyle choice that I have made because I know it is what is best for my family, including my daughter. Probably because she is almost 5 now…and most moms get over the *never again* stage of having a baby long before that!

Actually, I am finally at a place where I think I could cope with the addition of a baby…but I just don’t want to. Life is so good with my husband, a job I love, some fun hobbies, and a 4 year old. I only see it getting better as she gets older. I have no craving for a baby. No baby fever whatsoever. Zip. Zero. I see and hold and snuggle and coo at friend’s babies…but I am happy to give them back and don’t even feel a twinge of desire for one of my own.

So, even though my friends and family seem to have accepted that my decision is likely final, and seem to agree that it is best for my family (or are too scared of my wrath to to say otherwise), strangers and new aquaintances are another story.

They often ask when my little girl is getting a sibling. They often react with disbelief, shock, horror and sometimes even disgust when I tell them she likely won’t be. They tell me she will be lonely, spoiled, unhappy, socially inept, alone when she is older…etc. They tell me that I am selfish, or that I will change my mind, or remind me she may not take care of me when I am old, or ask how old I am and tell me how much longer I will be fertile. Whatever. They get an earful!!!

Back to the show; I did read Dr. Newman’s book, and quite enjoyed it. I am looking forward to seeing what she has to say.