this very casual (no measurements)  Curry Recipe I invented is perfect for leftovers.

1) Put on rice

2) Blend or whisk together 1 can of coconut milk, a blob of curry paste, some salt, some pepper, some sugar, and a spoonful (tablespoon or teaspoon, whatever) of tomato sauce or tomato paste.

3) Cook some fish, or chicken, or meat. If you aren’t off soy, tofu would work too.  Saute some fresh veggies, whichever you want, while you are at it. Feel free to skip the cooking and sauteing, and unwrap some leftover fish, or chicken, or meat or veggies from the fridge. Also feel free to grab a handful of frozen veggies instead of cooking fresh ones. Don’t worry what leftovers were cooked in, the curry sauce is strong enough to mask any previous flavouring.

4) Once well mixed, throw the curry sauce in a pot (saucepan? What’s the diff?) on a medium high stove-top. Drop in your leftover or  freshly cooked fish, or chicken, or meat, and your freshly cooked, leftover, or frozen veggies. Consider dropping in some chick peas as well.  Let it all get nice and hot, mixing when you remember.

5) Serve over the rice.

Yummy! Too bad the girl wont eat it, but she will eat the stuff over the rice minus the sauce, so it works for her too!

Leftovers taste great the next day. Just pre-mix before refrigerating.

I just feel like I need to vent about how down I am feeling these days. It is not PPD or anything like that, I am just feeling really down about a few things in my life, but too lazy and unmotivated to deal with them.

1) My weight. I feel so fat. I normally don’t really mind being a bit overweight (once I get to plus size, I do something about it-but a bit chubby I don’t mind. I’ve been very thin, and it is too much work and no fun) but right now I just feel so flabby and gross even though I am nowhere near my biggest. Unless I want to jog at 4am or 9pm, there is not much I can do about it. My elliptical is folded up in the basement and our house has nowhere to set it up right now. It is hard to watch what I eat when I already feel so deprived by not being able to have dairy or soy.

2) Our house. there are so many things to do, and none of them are getting done. The man ripped out half his closet to make a computer nook (charlotte’s room was the office). He never finished, so now we have a ripped out closet and an office (complete with paper and junk strewn desk desk and cables everywhere) in our bedroom. Our finished basement/playroom is gone. We had a flood down there and it smelled so we stopped using it and started storing junk down there. He finally ripped out the carpet, but it is still a disaster there and it is supposed to be the nanny’s room and playroom again soon. It is impossible to see that ever happening. There are also little house things-painting to be done, California shudders to be fixed, through cleaning to be done.  I feel guilty because I know it is my fault, I am so done being with the kids all week that by the weekend I leave them with the man a lot to do my own things (even if I am home) so he cannot do much arund the house. To make things worse, we live around the corner from a new community all my friends live in, so they all have nice, new, big (my place is tiny) houses and it just makes me feel so awful about our home-even though I actually don’t want to live in the community they live in. I’d kind of like to move, but I also know if we got the house in sell-able condition, I’d probably be happy here anyways. I don’t mind how small our house is, when it is organized and our basement is usable. We have a great location. Of course, the place is also a mess since it is hard to be motivated to keep a disaster zone like this clean and tidy.

3) Charlotte barely naps and needs to be held all the time-or at least actively engaged. She only likes the exersaucer or bouncer if I am sitting front of it singing and talking to her. She is awake all day and is only happy (very happy, mind you!) when I am actively paying attention to her. I am on the computer  so much because I can pretty easily hold her on my lap and talk to her while reading and typing. I am normally a “whatever works” type of mom, but this is getting tired. I cannot flip laundry from the washer to dryer, do my hair and make-up, or put a casserole in the oven without her whining for me.  She is not light and I cannot do a lot of stuff while wearing her. She will only nap (sometimes) if we go out, and does not transfer at all and wakes the minute the car-seat or stroller stops moving. So we go out a lot which means I am spending money (walking around the neighborhood is so boring) and not getting stuff at home done.

4) The girl is with me Tuesday, Thursday and alternate Fridays. She is so demanding. She hates going out (unless I spend money on her)  and likes to play…but I am not a “player” and even if I was Charlotte’s constant need for attention makes it difficult. We go to the park…but there are no other school aged kids there for her, and no moms (all nannies) for me, so it is not so fun. Now she is on the computer playing family channel games way too much. At least it keeps her happy…but I feel guilty for not doing more with her and feel guilty because at some point every day I get very annoyed with her and we end up fighting and crying (usually both of us).The days without her are much easier. I feel guilty about that and want to love being home with my 2 kids…but I don’t. Most people I know  had their kids closer together,  and kept the older ones in daycare full-time for their maternity leaves with the younger ones. I am the only at home mom I know (off the internet) that has 2 kids home with her more than evenings and weekends. So I feel less guilty about it being so hard when I realize that. I love being with either of my girls alone. I love being with both of them for short periods of time. Being with both of them 2-3 days a week (and Saturdays for the last couple months  until last weekend) gets tired fast!

5) I keep losing things. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I cannot find  things that I need. My 100$ nursing bra (I am F cup, so I need a good one) is gone. So is my camera. I lost my favorite necklace…the man found it though!

6) The diet. No dairy or soy. It is getting easier, but it is still hard. I am someone who loves to eat the things I enjoy…so it is no wonder I am starting to feel depressed, considering it has been over 2 months now since I have had many of my very favorite foods. It also makes it hard for me to eat healthy. You’d think it would be easier…but it is hard to watch what you eat when you are already restricted from eating so many things you enjoy. When I go to a restaurant and there are like 2 things I can eat…of course I want the tastier (more fattening) one. I have never been one with a taste fort healthy foods as it is.

7) I am spending way too much money.  Since I am out of the house so much, trying to keep Charlotte and Zoë happy…and I am of course an emotional spender.  Not to mention replacing all the things I keep losing somehow.

I just need to vent. I don’t need advice, there is nothing to tell me I don’t know. I don’t need help. This isn’t about what someone else can do for me, but what I can do for myself.

I just need to suck it up, deal with the kids on my own for a few weekends and let the man deal with the house.

I need to figure out a way to eat healthy and exercise.  I can jog in the evenings at 8:30 or so after Charlotte goes to bed.

I need to remember summer is coming: It will be better in the summer and next year, the girl will be in every day camp for 6 weeks, and then full time school. 

Right now though, all these things I need to do are easier said than done!

cause  mother’s day is coming and all! just sayin’

i know, i already have them. make that had. they were stolen from my car a few months ago. sob.

really, it is time for that darn computer nook to be complete. i have this in mind!

a big old chunk of cheddar cheese could make me very happy

i could always use more of this!

ooh, shiny!

I will give anyone that can provide me with a non-dairy non-soy product that tastes JUST LIKE CHEESE one million dollars. I mean it. Bonus points if you turn it into lasagna for me.

This elimination diet is getting depressing.  For the most part I am used to it now, but at times (especially when I am already feeling sad/depressed/overwhelmed by something…or nothing ) I find it really depressing that I longer can eat what I want to. I am someone who really gets a lot of joy out of eating the things I enjoy…and even though I don’t find it very difficult to find things to eat , not being able to eat what I want to can feel pretty shitty at times.

But, I just cannot imagine switching to formula. I don’t even like the idea of regular formula, imagine how manufactured non-dairy  non-soy formula must be? That said a lot of people do go to formula in this situation, either because they cannot maintain an elimination diet (which I can totally understand), or ignorant doctors tell them it is better for their babies, though in most circumstances, the benefits of breast-feeding (even if you cannot make your milk  100% allergen free) outweigh the risk s of the allergens.

Anways, breast-feeding is just such a part of baby-parenting for me, switching to formula because of this is still not an option. When I see how content my little baby is at my breast, I know I am making the right choice. Not to mention in my opinion dealing with bottles and formula is just a pain in the butt compared to just undoing my bra to feed my baby. In spite of these annoying intolerances of Charlotte’s, I still feel very blessed to be able to quite easily breast-feed my kids.

On the bright side, I am losing lots of weight. My diet used to have way to many breads, pastas and crackers.  I can still eat some of these things-but what good is bread, pasta or crackers without cheese or butter-or both?!

It is hard to believe, but Charlotte is 4 weeks old today. Sometimes it feels like she was born yesterday, other times it feels like she has always been here!

Not much to update though. We are both doing well, and enjoying spending time with old and new friends, visiting my place of work, and chilling at home watching season 2 of Gossip Girl online.

Charlotte is still a little piggy, and is eating a lot.  She also still sleeps a lot….though late afternoon / early evening tend to be her alert time so we are getting to spend a bit more time with her awake.  She is starting to smile, but wont let me catch it on film. She also sighs and coos. Clearly advanced!

The girl took the day off daycare today…and if this is any indication of what our Tuesdays and Thursdays and alternate Fridays are going to feel like, than I need to get cable TV ASAP…and a lot of art supplies!

Here are some pics from the weekend:

Charlotte in her new Moby  D Wrap…isn’t it gorgeous (and bought on sale!)? I totally recommend a wrap for any baby wearer.The 5 meters of fabric looks intimidating, but once you learn to wrap it is very easy. They provide loads of cuddly support to the baby, and are really easy on mom’s back and shoulders since the weight is very spread out. Also, tonnes of  different positions make it a great option for any age baby!

Charlotte in a rare  awake, alert and not eating moment

We made Chala! From scratch! Isn’t it pretty? Tastes good too!

Perfectly delicious!

Sorry I suck at blogging so much…most of what I can think about is baby stuff, and I don’t want this to be another boring “mommy blog” with baby pictures and stories no one really cares about!

 So tell me…would you all like more baby and family pictures and updates, or would you rather wait until I get my head back into other stuff? I’ve been reading a lot and have some books, (and some make-up) to talk about , but my head just isn’t there right now, KWIM?

I really hope my fruit cravings last beyond my pregnancy!

I love this, it is so funny. Princess has these nights too!!

On other news, I turned 35 today. It is odd how much less birthdays matter the older I get. I used to think my birthday was such a big deal and make such a big deal about it and expect everyone else to as well, and I never understood people that didn’t even talk about their birthdays and seemed embaressed by them. Now though, I am really just kinda “eh” about it.  It is not that I mind getting older, I don’t. I just cannot get caught up in one day. I am also a lot less materialistic than I used to be. I used to love gifts and always could not wait for my birthday to get presents, even as an adult. In recent years though, I have started to feel differently. Not that I don’t still enjoy and appreciate a  thoughtful present (and nice things in general!)…but I also get most of what I want for myself, and like it that way. The man is very unmaterialistic, and used to make me feel defensive about actually caring what people gave me as gifts (and yes, even sometimes being disappointed in gifts-usually from him!) and bad about myself since I could never ever get him the perfect gift-nothing is perfect for someone who is truly content with what they have, after all!  As time passed though, I have realized I like his attitude a lot more. It really is the thought that counts…not the things you get or the places you go or the money that is spent on you.  I don’t need a birthday to get a nice something or have a nice dinner out, and I don’t need someone else to give me these things. I enjoy and appreciate them of course, but they are not exciting and don’t make my birthday exciting! But time with loved ones…discussion and laughter and love…that is a gift that I cannot give myself! The girl was so sweet today! She couldn’t wait to wish me a happy bithday, and made me about 7 cards, including one signed by all her friends at school, and one that she forced encouraged her friend make for me. Her teachers told me it was all she talked about all day. Seeing her joy in my special day, that was the perfect gift! 

Anyways, it was a normal but good day for the most part…I worked then went to the chiropractor. Then however, I had the worst migraine I have ever had in my life (so bad I threw up, yuck!) and almost missed dinner out with the man and the girl!  We did not get out until almost 7pm by the time the headache had passed enough for me to consider it. We did end up going to a new place, Stonefire Grill. It was very busy, and very slow…but the food was good.

Because I ate so late, I wont be able to go to bed for hours though!!!

Oh, I think the man and I FINALLY agreed on a girl name…but I am going to go against my nature and keep it to myself! As for a boy name, still working on that. To give you a sense of where I am at, I will share that I LOVE Oliver, since the man will never agree to it anyways! I will also share that Lola is my current favorite girl name, since the man wont consider that one either!

Yes, I am addicted to blood pressure machines. My blood pressure was high at the end of my pregnancy with the girl, and now I cannot walk past a machine without checking. So far, it is fine. Higher than it was in early pregnancy (which is normal) but still well within the normal range.

Ice, freezies and apples are also getting a lot of consumption these days. I guess I have a desire to crunch on cool juicy things.