I am in such a funk these days…
1) I am so upset to have discovered that dairy does, indeed, lead to my recurring tonsillitis. I do not want a tonsillectomy. I also do not want to be dairy free forever (and really, now that dairy in my diet does not bother Charlotte, have lost all will-power to avoid dairy. Amazing what we’ll do for our kids but not ourselves, isn’t it?). I am starting to reconsider the tonsillectomy. However, getting the tonsils out will be harder than it sounds, if I decide to do it. I have no good record of the tonsillitis since I have gone to random clinics over the years for antibiotics, and they often did not even do swabs, just peeked in my throat at my pus covered tonsils. Eventually I got so sick of sitting in waiting rooms that I started getting a personal friend to write the prescriptions for me (I know, bad). So, for me to get them out I need to start going only to my doctor, getting the swabs and prescriptions there and then getting a good record, so that the next time I go to an ENT, he’d recommend it. That also means not doing the things I know help me avoid getting it; avoiding dairy obviously. Before that, I was gargling hydrogen peroxide twice a day, on the ENTs recommendation , and that was helping. (I did it for a year, and only got it twice that year) So, I’d essentially need to let myself keep getting it for a year, and schlep to my (part-time, busy, which is why I was going to clinics instead of her…once I get it a day without anti-biotics can make the difference in whether I get sick enough to miss a week of work or not), getting a new referral, etc. So, I kind of got myself into a bind here by not getting a good medical record of it back when it was a bigger issue, since I now either need to do what I know I can to avoid it (which includes avoiding dairy) or probably spend a year at least getting sick over and over again to prove to an ENT I need them out. Ugh. There is also still the fact that I am terrified to get them out.
2) I am completely, totally, utterly overwhelmed by laundry, dishes, etc…and I don’t even do a lot of housekeeping. I do a huge load of laundry every single day, I don’t even know how it gets so big. The dishes are never clean. I wont say my man does not help…but he does not help enough. He’ll tell me he cleaned up the kitchen and I’ll think it is done, only to go down the next morning and discover he filled the dishwasher but did not turn it on so we have no clean dishes, and left the baby’s highchair tray covered in food which is now dried on and needs to be removed before I can give her breakfast. I am not a picky “do it my way” type at all…but I think it is common sense that if the dishwasher is full and the dish cabinets are empty, turn it on! I have been on a cloth diaper break for 3 weeks now, but am 2 days back into cloth. I am dreading the laundry. It did not bug me before…but for some reason I am just at a point now where laundry is really, really getting to me and the thought of adding another 2-3 loads a week makes me feel ill.
3. The nanny comes in a few days. Nothing is ready for her (her room is finished, but full of stuff from the other parts of the basement that are still being worked on and her furniture is in the garage), and I am very nervous about how it will work out, and what I’ll do with her my last month of maternity leave. I know I need her for that time to get to know me and the girls and our home and routines and such…but I want to spend the last month with Charlotte, not with Charlotte and the nanny, and not on my own while the nanny is with Charlotte. I am not sure how to get past that feeling.
5. I don’t want to go back to work. I have enjoyed maternity leave and parenting a baby so much more this time, and am not chomping at the bit to get back to my career like I was last time, but I have no choice. Also, my office has moved, my team has changed, and those above me have changed and there is also a tonne of new policy I’ll have to learn and follow. So, I am just not looking forward to dealing with all that.
6. My weight, still. I decided a few weeks ago to get it back on track, but in practice have not done much. I am so annoyed because just when I finally started to get motivated to get in shape, I got the flu…and hadn’t even bounced back from it before I got tonsillitis…so I am finally motivated but really not feeling up to any extra exertion right now, just doing “normal” stuff like laundry leaves me winded and coughing through my tender throat, and I am so tired from being sick for weeks now that I am eating a lot more to keep my energy up. I feel like such a fat, lazy, ugly pig. All the moms I know who had babies when I had Charlotte are back to their pre-pregnancy weight. I am nowhere near it, in fact I am closer to my “having a baby anyday now” weight.
Yeah, so, I am feeling like crap. That’s all.
