Over the last couple years I’ve had to do a lot of soul-searching, trying to figure out what kind of person I want to be and how I want to live.
-I want to be someone that is there for other people. I don’t want to let other people’s problems take over my life (which is hard for me, I’m often up at night thinking about other people’s problems both people in my personal life and work and that is something I need to work on), but I don’t want to abandon people either. I want people to know they can count on me. I know what it’s like to not be able to count on people during hard times, I never want to make others feel that way.
-I want to give more than I take. I can be materialistic, but I feel much better about giving. I no longer sell my used items, instead I donate them, even the high-end ones. It gives me joy to think about somebody who could never afford a high-end handbag or shoes, even secondhand, finding one as a donation. If I can afford to buy these things, I can afford to give them away.
-I don’t want to be jealous anymore. Everybody always seems to have more than me; more material things, more money, more vacations, more friends, better jobs. Maybe it’s just perception, but it seems to be true, however so what? I have a happy marriage, healthy children, as far as I know I am healthy too. I have a roof over my head and we can pay our bills, we have jobs and go on vacations and I have loving family and some good friends. I don’t need to be jealous of other people, I have what I need.
-I want to truly let go of what and who doesn’t Bring me more joy than pain. I’ve tried to, but I keep turning back to things that hurt me over and over again. I need to learn to stop doing that. Personally, and professionally. I’m tired of falling in the same hole.
-I want to stop beating myself up for what’s wrong with me. I’m not perfect, but I don’t deserve to feel bad about myself, and deserve to let others feel like I should.