My last post was a vision board I created for 2019, I thought I would write more about how I intend to reach these goals in the coming year. I don’t think these are so much resolutions, as ongoing plans.
1. Friendship was obviously a big issue, I don’t want to get into the details but basically over the last few years I have become a lot less close with some of my very closest friends. I’m sure they would say it’s my fault, I’m sure I would say it’s theirs, I guess there was a lot of miscommunication, and misunderstanding. Either way, I really miss having my closest friends, and their families, to spend time with. I’ve started to reach out more, and intend to continue to do so. I’m hoping that will help nourish the relationships that are important to me. It will also help make obvious which ones it is time to recognize are not right for me, and let go of them go. (For the record I do have friends, but less than I used to, and we also see them a lot less than I would like. I’m super social and love to have plans and be together with people all the time. It’s also important to me to have close intimate relationships with trusting people. I do have that, but I would like more of it!). I started last night by inviting 6 families to our home for New Year’s eve! Four of them came, and we had a wonderful time!
2. I’m also hoping to make some new friends, I’m not sure exactly how that’s going to happen but I have some idea about things I would like to get involved in, and also I want to put myself out there and reach out more to people that I know but I’m not as close to as I would like to be. I have tons of acquaintances and some of them I really adore and love to become closer friends with (others I know are just not the right fit for me, I do want to be picky about my friends because I can be a bit of a magnet for friends that are not right for me, and I don’t mean bad people, I just mean not right for me), at this age and stage that’s a hard thing to do…especially for me because I have a huge fear of rejection and a hard time reaching out. But I will. Again hopefully that will nourish some relationships, and also show me who might not be in the cards to be more than an acquaintance.
3. With regards to work, I’m not so much looking to leave my agency however I am always keeping my eye on opportunities. However it’s a struggle because I’ve been doing the same thing for 10 years, and the same type of thing for 18 years. My skill set is very specific to child protection. I love it and I love the kids, but it’s an emotionally exhausting job. I never give details about my work and I won’t now, I will just say that I am looking into maybe doing some courses to develop my skill set a bit, this will hopefully help me either move onto a different position, or develop some skills that I can use in my current position. Which can only benefit both my clients, and myself because the better they are doing, the better I am doing!
4. I am very much hoping to go to Israel, I’m 45 years old and have never been and it is starting to really weigh on me as a Jewish woman and mother. I have applied for a JWRP trip to Israel in the summer, if I do not get selected for that one I will keep looking for other opportunities. If I don’t end up going on a group trip, then I think that should be our next family vacation, even if we have to skip travelling for a couple years to make it happen.
5. I definitely want to feel less stressed. I’ve been doing a lot towards that, some of it’s a bit personal but I will say that between meditation, exercise, medication, and a good therapist; I’m definitely in a much better space and I’ve been for the last few years. I don’t think a lot of my friends and even family realized what a very dark place I was in through most of 2017 and 2018. Having my ovaries removed had a huge impact on my emotions, and set me on a whirlwind of anxiety and depression. It never got so bad that I couldn’t do the things I needed to do, so it didn’t really show, but it definitely impacted on how I related to other people, and how I felt about myself. It was very hard to wake up every day knowing that I was going to feel bad all day, I pushed myself through hoping it would just get better, now it has gotten better but I’ve had to take difficult steps to make it happen. I hope that my emotional health continues to improve!
6. Of course my physical health is important too. Lately I have really been working hard to make sure that I get at least eight hours of sleep a night, I know that sounds like a lot, but I’ve learned that it’s what I really need to be at my emotional and physical best. It takes good sleep hygiene, medication, and a consistent schedule to make it happen, but I’m working on all of those things! I’ve also been, as I’ve already referred to a bit in this blog, working out a lot harder than I have been for the last few years, and focussing more on strength building. I think that’s the best for the way my body looks, but I also know it’s very important for my health especially as a post menopausal woman. I continue to eat a relatively healthy plant-based diet, but I definitely would like to cut out more of the sugar. I did it a few years ago and I think it’s time to go back to being more careful about how much sugar I eat on a day to day basis. Although none of this is about weight, I am happy to say that I have maintained my weight loss from 2000/10 for another year! Of course my weight fluctuates a bit and I haven’t weighed the exact same thing for all these years, but close enough that I’ve never had to buy new clothing or change my size, which to me is what I consider “maintenance”.