Once again, the current year has sucked big time. I keep waiting for the year that I get to say was really great!
•Shit that happened in 2017
-In order to reduce my risk of cancer coming back, I had my ovaries removed and was shot into menopause, bringing with it mood swings and insomnia that are very damaging to me (and my relationships).
-Several personal yet serious situations in my extended family that have and continue to be super stressful for myself and those I love.
-3 recurrence scares. All “nothing” but upsetting, and a powerful reminder of life after cancer and that a recurrence or metastases always feels one scan away.
-Several of my close friends have had their own very serious health issues (including cancer and a heart attack). Of course these things didn’t happen to me, but they were upsetting to me and part of what made the year so crappy is knowing my friends have health struggles.
-I’m still often weak, have low stamina, and feel crappy. They say it takes two years after finishing chemotherapy to feel like oneself again. That means I’ve still got about 4 more months. I work so hard at it and try to do my best, but sometimes things happen that reminds me how weak I still am (especially compared to how I was). Last week I was called out in a fitness class for not being able to do all the planks required. I left feeling shamed and crying, remembering when I could plank as long as I was told, less than three years ago.
-work has been incredibly stressful.
•However, there have also been good things that happened in 2017
-I’m still about 50lbs less than I was in 2010… this is consistent work for me, and every year that I keep that weight off I am so proud of myself! -I am working out regularly again, and can feel my strength and stamina coming back, albeit slowly. I’ve discovered fit boxing and kickboxing, both which I enjoy greatly!
-I am, as far as I know, cancer free
-^^^that means my home is full of healthy people
-We had a fantastic summer vacation to NYC.
-Kids are happy and thriving at school, home, and with friends.
-I’ve remained close to some great people, and gotten closer to others.
-My marriage remains happy!
•Goals for 2018
* mostly ongoing goals, and pretty well all related to the first one.
-Find a solution to the stress and mood issues. I’m not sure what that will look like, but I’ve got some ideas to explore. I didn’t save my life to be unhappy so often.
-Continue to improve my health and fitness. Maybe actually run the Sporting Life 10k again (I registered for 2017, but didn’t make it)
-Start a daily meditation practice. I have already began this and I’m using the Headspace app.
-Find a way to spend more time with Adam in the evenings. We used to watch TV and/or chat until 11 or so…now I have to take meds by 9 and I’m too groggy to be good company by 10, which is around the same time the kids usually stop demanding our attention. Gonna figure out some life or medication adjustments at least a few nights a week. We are not having marital problems, but I miss having more time together to connect and enjoy each other’s company
-Continue to nourish friendships. Hopefully fix some broken ones, and work at maintaining and strengthening the positive ones.