A little triumph 

So, obviously yesterday wasn’t my best day ever! I did, after all, discover I have gained 3 pounds bite of my best efforts at losing weight! 

There was a little positive. At the end of the day I went got a spin, and then did weights, 10lbs. When I was done, I mentioned to my husband that I need to get heavier weights, 12lbs next. He suggested 15! Then he suggested I try his 20lb dumbbell so I did. I could only do a few bicep curls and tricep kickbacks…but I was still amazed that I could do that! That said, I think I’m going to go for new 15lb handweights. Maybe a kettleball too? 

My efforts may not be showing on the scale, but I’m definitely getting stronger and that’s a positive!

A scale story 

I want to tell a little story (that most of my readers know), then share an article that is helping me feel better.

 

In 2010 I lost  about 40 pounds. Kept it off about three years and then in 2013 I lost the last 15 (+2) pounds I wanted to to get to my goal weight. I maintained it for a while…but over the last year (mostly the last few months) I have gained about 15 pounds back. I don’t know exactly why, because my eating and exercise habits have not changed much. Maybe stress is a factor? Maybe age is a factor? I’m just not sure. Anyway, early this year I became very aware that I really had gained a little too much weight, because my clothing was not fitting well. I had to put four of my favorite pairs of jeans away in my closet, because of the enormous uncomfortable muffin top they created! I started being more mindful about my eating, and I started being more mindful about my exercise. The biggest change I made was adding weight-lifting to my exercise, because for years I’ve been told that if I lift weights I will lose more fat, lose more weight,  and look better. I lost about 4-5lbs right away and that was that! I spoke to a nutritionist and added a supplement and thought I was seeing a little progress.

 

I don’t weigh myself on my scale at home very much, because it’s really pretty iffy and depends on how I’m standing on it! I know I should get a better scale, but I don’t want to because I also know I have a tendency to be obsessed with my scale. Instead, I weigh myself on the scale at my office, because it’s quite consistent, and I am not at my office every day. I weighed myself before March break. In the week I was off I ate very carefully, I had a couple indulgent snacks (but honestly tracked them in myfitnesspal). For the most part, I ate very well, and I exercised every single day, even started running again. I definitely noticed that I was looking slimmer in the mirror, and my clothing was fitting better. All four pairs of jeans came out of the closet and back on my booty! I came back to work yesterday excited to get on the scale, sure that I had lost a few pounds.

 

I gained 3. 

 

I don’t know if it is real weight, or water weight, or what it is. It’s still there today, and suddenly I look in the mirror (wearing one of those pairs of jeans I couldn’t button a month ago) and instead of feeling great like I did on Sunday, I feel like a fat slob. I hate myself, I look at my lunch and don’t want to eat it because it looks like fat.

 

How sad is that?

 

So I did some googling, and I found this article. I think I’m going to try it. I think I am going to not weigh myself for an entire month, and see how it feels. I don’t know if I can commit to never weighing myself again, but I know I have to weigh myself less, because how my body feels in it’s clothing, how it looks in the mirror, and how it feels when I’m using it should matter more than a number on the scale. A number on the scale should not have the power to bring me from feeling like I’m on top of the world to feeling like dirt under somebodies shoe. I don’t know if I can change the way that number makes me feel, so I’m going to try to stop looking at that number.

 

My lovely colleague took this picture of me today. She also said I probably gained the pounds in my brain! Creepy but sweet!  

 

Nothing to hate on here!


Updates

1.I’ve been off work all of March break. It was great. Saw lots of different friends, got lots done, spent little money. Zoë got braces! The first couple days were pretty painful but she’s a champ and doing great now! Zoë and I got manicures afterwards. We also saw Cinderella which we all loved! I also got some stuff done, packed up two big bags of stuff for the clothing box and one big bag to hand-me-down, and went though all Lotte’s summer clothes (Zoë’s hand me downs) for the coming season and washed and organized it, and started cleaning out the kitchen for Passover.

2. Because my scale at home is so iffy and I don’t really want to get a new one (scales obsess me!), I haven’t weighed myself since a few days before March break. I have continued to exercise regularly, take my supplement, and eat mindfully (except the cookie thing yesterday, let’s ignore that!). My clothing continues to fit better and better, and I am liking what I’m seeing in the mirror! I’ve been doing a lot more strength training, and loving it! I also went for my first run of the year on Friday. It was only 2 miles, 20 minutes…but two days later my hips, thighs and butt are still complaining! Regardless, it felt great.

3. I finally got a new watch. I’ve been wanting one for a while because the rhinestones on my Michael Kors watch are starting to fall off, so I’ve been saving this Vince Camuto watch in my Amazon wish list and waiting for it to go on sale. Finally happened! I love it!!

Intuitive

It’s no secret that I’ve been playing around with eyeliner a lot! After years of using a stiff eyeliner brush and eyeshadow to line my upper lids and call it a day, I’ve started doing things differently. I still do that sometimes…but I’ve also started experimenting with lining my lower lashes, and tight-lining.

I’m starting to love the look of having lined lower lids. It really makes my eyes pop! The only problem is, it seems whatever eyeliner I use either disappears by the end of the day, or gets all smudgy and gross looking. Neither is something I want! I guess it’s because my lower lids get more tears?

Anyway, after some research I decided to try out for Bourjois intuitive liner. It’s a liquid liner, marker style, with three little tips! The point of it is that you can draw a straight line, or use it vertically to draw little dots between your lashes.

 

look at all the ways it draws!

 

This eyeliner is $20 at Shoppers Drug Mart and only comes in black. I bought it last week and started experimenting. The way I find it works best is this!

1. For my upper lids, first I do tiny dots between my lashes from above, then tiny dots between my lashes from the waterline, and then draw a thick line and smudge slightly with an eyeliner brush. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but once you get the hang of it it’s pretty quick! If I want colored liner, I skip the final line and use eyeshadow or eyeliner pencil instead. I still do the dotting though, because it works perfectly for a tight-lining effect.

2. For lower lids, I do the tiny dots, twice under the lashes and once from the waterline. I then use my pinky finger to slightly smudge.

The results:

nothing but eyeliner and mascara on these eyes

 By the end of the day, the lower lid has faded considerably, but still has a natural looking line because the dots in the lash-line seem to last! The upper lid lasts beautifully.

Anybody have any tips to help me keep the lower lid lined longer (say that five times fast!)? I’m not necessarily unhappy with this…but it would be nice if it lasted a little longer and stronger. I’ve tried so many different methods and products, and primer…nothing really works.