Facebook friends, and thoughtfulness

Recently somebody I know complained about people that defriend her on Facebook because of things she posts that have nothing to do with them. 

Here is my, summarized, response to that:

If you are posting things on Facebook that have nothing to do with the Facebook friends who you are complaining about, that’s what private messages are for. We are all different, some people are more sensitive than others, it is not fair to post something to all of your Facebook friends, and then judge people for their response to it and say it had nothing to do with them anyway. If it has nothing to do with them, why are you putting it out for them to read? If somebody matters to you enough for you to be Facebook friends with them, then how you make them feel should also matter to you. If the things you’re posting are making them feel bad enough to defriend you, instead of blaming them perhaps you should look at your timeline and work on gaining some insight. 

Over the years, I have often been upset or offended by things people put on Facebook. I know that I’m  a sensitive person, and I am far past the point where I am embarrassed or ashamed by that. There are far worse things to be bring sensitive. One of those things is being the kind of person that doesn’t care if they hurt other people’s feelings. 

Here are the things people do on Facebook that, if they are done repeatedly, will probably make me want to unfollow or defriend, and may even make me do so.

-Constantly calling out who ones best friends are, tagging them in posts etc. I think it is very rude and high school-ish and cliquish to feel the need to constantly point out to everybody you know who your BFF is. It’s one thing to call out someone because it’s a specific situation that’s appropriate, but to repeatedly be doing so in front of everybody, including people that might feel closer to you than you do to them, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

-Making and sharing your plans. Again you have people on your Facebook that are watching your plans, seeing who you are including and who you aren’t. We all know it is rude to make or discuss plans in person when people who aren’t included are around, it is also rude to do it on Facebook. 

-Nonstop bragging. There are always people that have it better than us, and people that have it worse than us. You can pretty well guarantee that somebody on your Facebook is going through a really shitty time, so even though it’s certainly OK to talk about some good things in your life, if everything you post is for the purpose of making sure everybody knows how happy you are, how rich you are, how much fun you’re having, how great your life is, it’s almost a guarantee that somebody is reading it and feeling like crap about thier own life. 

-Nonstop complaining. Again, there is always somebody that has it better than you, and somebody that has it worse than you. It’s OK to complain on occasion about something you are going through, but if all you have to say is negative, particularly when people that know you know there are good things in your life that you’re not recognizing, and you are probably getting on peoples nerves. 

In a nutshell…things people with good social skills don’t do in person (tell other, less friends who your BFF is, talk about plans in front of people that weren’t included, constantly brag and or complain) shouldn’t be done on fb (where are you generally have a much bigger audience than you would in person). If you do, that’s your prerogative…it is your timeline afterall, but I’d suggest then not getting pissy about people defriending you. Whether or not you think it has to do with them…if you are posting it where they can see it..it does. Every single thing you post on facebook has the capacity to impact every single friend you have on facebook.

Breaking my own rule

In the past, I have always been very averse to buying imitation designer goods. It’s my opinion that if I cannot afford the original, then I should just buy something different that I can afford. There is just something unappealing to me about using fake items, it seems even worse than conspicuous consumption, because it’s impressing people with something you don’t even truly own. I also don’t think it is fair to the designers. 

Recently, I broke my rule. 

I have been eyeing Stella McCartney’s Fabella shaggy deer bag forever (I’m sure I’ve posted about it, but cannot find it!). The brand is not particularly impressive to me, I don’t really even know anybody that wears Stella McCartney, so it has nothing to do with that. I simply love the way the bag looks!

I had only seen it online until a few months ago, when I saw someone carrying one in person. I loved it even more! Of course I have no idea if the one I saw was real or not, but I took a closer look at it online, at least $1200 USD, obviously not happening! 

So, after a lot of searching online, I decided to purchase an imitation on Aliexpress. 

I really love it. I hope nobody asks me if it’s real or identifies the brand to me, but if they do I guess I will just be honest and say “I love the way the bag looks so much that I bought an imitation” and not care what anybody thinks about that. Except Stella McCartney, I guess I feel kind of guilty for her. If I’m ever in a position to spend that much money on a bag, I will make it up to her, both because I love her bags and because they are all vegan! 

What’s passed…what’s coming 

Once I finally healed from my radiation burns, and then got some time off of work, I had exactly one goal for the last two weeks of August: have fun with my family!

I’m glad to share that we did indeed enjoy these last two weeks. I had a few days off work with the kids, we spent some time shopping and eating and were interviewed for an article that I will share when it comes out.

Then, from August 22 to the 26th, we enjoyed a trip to Mt Tremblant, Quebec (and a one night stay in Ottawa).

We loved Ottawa, such a beautiful place to visit and walk around, and the Parliament Buildings Northern Lights show was a treat!


Tremblant was such a fun place, with great activities!

Zoë and I went Treetop trekking again, and loved it.

We went on our first ever family bike ride. I loved biking and I’m looking forward to getting a bike next year, unfortunately it was not really Zoë’s thing and we called her activity “a hike with the bike” because she walked so much!!

We went white water rafting on the Rouge River, it was my first time but I’ve always wanted to do it because my favourite ride at Wonderland is White Water Canyon. It was so much fun! I came out of it with a bloody nose, but it was worth it and I look forward to trying it again somewhere else.

Yes, we are in there!

After a few days at home, we took off to spend Thursday to Sunday back at BlueMountain, this time with another family! As always, we had a great time at BlueMountain, offensive cupcake sign notwithstanding!

We climbed the mountain twice, following the hiking trails. I have to say that it was so much harder for me to climb the mountain than it has ever been before, several times both days I thought that I might have to turn around and go back down, but I took my time and drank lots of water and made it to the top. This difficulty, similarly to my currently very slow running times (5k takes me about 10 minutes longer than it did this time last year), was a powerful reminder of just how much my body has been through in the last year. However, reaching the top was a powerful reminder of how determined I am to not let cancer be stronger than I am.


Now for what’s coming

Next week, I started an injection called Zoladex. That is to shut down my ovaries and put me into menopause, I have in the past talked about this a little bit, but it’s hard to believe that I’m actually here. I am already in menopause from chemotherapy and tamoxifen, but it’s (supposedly) not a full menopause and the Zoladex will cause full menopause… 10 years earlier than I anticipated, and much more difficult than it likely would’ve been because it is going to be sudden, medically induced, and before my natural time. I am absolutely heartbroken and terrified to have to do this, however it reduces my risk of recurrence so I don’t really feel like I have much choice.

I try to think in my head about how to balance reducing my risk of recurrence with my quality of living; I (hopefully) saved my life and I want it to be good, but a recurrence certainly won’t give me a better quality of life, and I have kids that need me alive more than anything.

I am of course hoping that it won’t be too bad for me, but I have to admit I’m terrified about the impact it will have on me; on my fitness, on my weight, on my sex life, on my energy, on my sleep, on my comfort.

The shot will be given at the Chemo Clinic (somewhere I kind of anticipated never going back, not for years anyway), and I have to get it every 28 days like clockwork, until I would’ve gone into a natural menopause. Most likely I will instead have my ovaries removed, since whether I do the shots or the surgery I am going into menopause for good, and I would rather not be injected in the stomach at the chemo clinic once a month for the next 10 years!

I’m glad I was able to enjoy some of the summer before embarking on this next step in my treatment, and can only hope that ovary suppression it’s not as difficult as I am anticipating, but if it is then I will somehow get through it and come out stronger.

Really? Just no 

We recently got back from a weekend in BlueMountain, we had a great time as always, more about that later.

The purpose of this post is to share this picture, it is of a board I saw outside a restaurant: 

This was quite offensive to me. To confirm that I wasn’t crazy, I shared it with one of my breast cancer groups, and it was to many of those women too.

Of course it’s great that they are fundraising for run for the cure (which by the way I too will be doing and will share more information about later). 

But messages the talk about saving breasts, especially for the purpose of satisfying men to get to “second base”, is just not cool. We need a cure for cancer to save lives, not breasts. When we do talk about breast saving procedures (which I had) , it is  to spare bc patients a more physically and emotionally  intrusive surgery, not to maintain the ability to reach second base. 

I know that they probably meant it to be cute and funny, but as a breast cancer survivor, I did not find it cute and funny. 

After thinking about it a lot, I went over and talk to them. I thanked them for the fundraising and suggested that they consider changing the sign, because breast cancer is not really about whether or not somebody can feel me up, it’s about whether I live or not, and whether or not somebody else can get to second base with me is the least of my concerns. I acknowledged that it was just meant to be cute and funny, but that they never know who is looking at it, there there could be other breast cancer survivors around and probably are, and it’s very hurtful for us to see what we’ve gone through reduced to a sexual activity. They apologized profusely and said they would speak to the manager.

I hope they change the sign.