Am I Really Fat?

Shannon Bradley-Colleary: Am I Really Fat?.

A friend shared this article with me today, and I decided to post it…and my response (because you all just love updates on my quest for loving my almost-but-not-quite-and-never-gonna-be-thin self, right?)

My response:

Ya know…it is not the models and stars that get me worked up about my body. I know they are air-brushed, and even when they aren’t…I know that they have to look good, and have the means (and professional motivation) to make it happen that I don’t have.

It is more women I know. No, they don’t look like the cover of a magazine…but there are plenty of women I know who are thinner than I am…many with much less effort. I know women (my age, lifestyle, etc…) who rarely exercise and eat what they want, and are a “healthy” weight and yet constantly talking about getting “back on track”.

Here I am, as thin as I have ever been as an adult (or as a married full time working adult with a kid or kids…I was thinner at some periods in my early to mid 20s…I guess I was an adult then!), as fit as I have ever been in my life, working out nearly everyday, with the healthiest diet I have EVER had (I eat fruit! and vegetables! raw ones!)…and I am still, more days than not, according to those stupid BMI charts (and the sites the writer refers to), “overweight”.

Now, I am finally at a place where most of the time this does not matter. I love how I look, I love how I feel, and although the scale may not consistently say that magic number  (or lower, as if that would ever happen!) that puts me in “healthy” (the number is 145, by the way), I know that is relative, and I am a healthy weight. I also know that the scale does say I am 40-50lbs lighter than I was 2 years ago. I’ve kept that weight off over a year, and that is something to be proud of.

But yeah…I do still have my moments…and it is the real life women I know (heck, even this writer…who is “settling” for being about 10lbs lighter…2 inches taller…8 years older than I am), and not the ones on TV and in magazines, who make me wonder what is wrong with me, that I have to work so hard to just barely be “not chubby”. Not that I find it “work” anymore, I don’t, it is just how I live now…and I enjoy my activities and how I eat most of the time. But, I am still always aware that this is how I have to keep living. There is no going back to spending my evenings lounging in front of the TV or socializing instead of exercising (and life is a little too busy now for me to do both, as I did in university), or mindlessly ordering the yummyist looking thing on a menu (more than once a year…hello birthday!)…not if I want to stay as I am now.

I should add, I am a bit down about this today. My yearly physical is tomorrow…and it saddens me that I know that even though in this past year I have made great gains with regards to my fitness and diet (I don’t necessarily eat less fat or calories, probably around the same, but a lot more fruits and veggies, and less processed foods) the numbers will be very close to the same (maybe 2-3lbs more or less…my weight tends to fluctuate a lot, but only by a few pounds one way or the other) as they were at last year’s physical. My doctor will pull out the BMI chart and tell me I am overweight. It will suck.

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