1. Yesterday I went to Yoga after taking Zoë to the camp bus. I figured even if I spent half the class in child’s pose it would be relaxing and distracting for me to go to my safe place, which is my yoga studio! In the end I did fine, took it easy on the back-bends and some modifications occasionally with my upper body to keep things easy on my wrists, but for the most part I was fine and finish the class without any rest. I felt fantastic. I hopped on the elliptical for 30 minutes last night, also no problem.
2. I am struggling with the car accident a lot. I make myself drive, but I hate it. I notice drivers on their phone, or tail-gating, or cutting people off…even when they are nowhere near me, and I get anxious and want to scream at them. I have to drive a lot next week, including on the freeway, so I better get over it, ASAP. In my job, not driving (a lot, and far) is not an option.
Besides being anxious about other cars on the road, I am consumed with the “what-if?” s. What I keep thinking is, “what if I hadn’t seen him?”. He pulled out in front of me maybe a few car lengths. I saw him, slammed on my breaks, and hit the driver’s side back door. He walked away. I walked away.
What if I’d been peeking at my phone? I try to only do that at red lights (if at all) but I won’t say I NEVER do. If I had been…if I had not seen him or saw him a second later than I did, I would have hit him on the driver side (sooner so probably his door) at 60k or faster….60k was the limit. I don’t think I was significantly speeding, but I may have been 5-10k over the limit. Imagine how horrible that would have been?
That thought, that if I had not being paying full attention it would have been so much worse…and it could easily have been the case (heck I’d been on the phone 10 minutes before. I’d used Bluetooth, but used my phone to dial. Probably at a red light but I’m not sure) paralyzes me.
3. We’ve started looking at cars (online), not fun. I’m so pissed off. Obviously insurance is paying for our car, but it is not worth that much. That said, we were hoping to spend the money to fix a bunch of little things and then use it for another few years, and expected to replace Adam’s car before mine and give him mine. Adam has a 12-year-old car that barely runs and has no working air-conditioning, so I feel bad that I am the one who will get the new (or new used, but in great condition) car. But because of all the driving I do (even if I just go to my office, it is 20k away, his is 5k away), often with young clients in my car, I need to have the more comfortable and reliable vehicle.