1. The nanny is gone. Gone gone gone. Things ended fine, she has a new job and will visit the kids…but am now freaking out about life as a working mom without a nanny. She did most of the heavy cleaning (I tidied the kitchen and living areas before bed every night) and most of the laundry (I did it on weekends). She also got the kids ready and out the door in the mornings, and eliminated the need for drops offs and pick ups. Eek.
I did this no-nanny-thing for about 4 years with Zoë…but it has been a while and now there are 2 kids. I know lots of families manage with 2 or more kids and no nanny, and I know this will be fine and we’ll find our (messier, less organized) groove. But at the moment, it feels completely overwhelming.
2. I’m off work on my own with 2 kids, no planned activities (and no nanny) next week. I know, that’s good…but also hard. I am not a SAHM (with good reason) and occupying 2 kids so far apart in age can be a challenge. At the same time, at least I get to ease into nanny free living without a morning rush and drop offs and pick ups to deal with!
3. This is hard to talk about, but I will. The panic attack I had while driving to camp a few weeks ago? I’ve had 2 more, both while driving. I can drive, even on the freeway, but when I get to situations where speeds are high and there are a lot of cars that feel very close to me, I panic, full out must-get-off-street panic. I know this is likely very normal after an accident, but it is still upsetting. I cannot let myself become scared to drive…for personal and professional reasons…so I have to overcome this. For now I am trying to overcome this myself with exposure (making myself drive as much as possible) and self help techniques (self talk before and during driving, hypnosis mp3 at night) but if I cannot, I’ll have to consider something like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I hope I can avoid that. Not because of therapy avoidance issues, but because my life is busy enough!
Anyways, I have 2 more weeks off work to drive as much as possible (we are likely going on across trip and I’ll drive) and develop my coping techniques, so hopefully this will be a non-issue soon.
But right now? Yeah. I’m stressed and I know it!
In good news:
1. Zoë comes home tomorrow. Yeah!! I’ve missed that girl.