Since last Thursday I have made myself go one interchange a day on the toll highway. Most days it was fine…one day someone was tailing me pretty badly, and I lost my shit (not literally).
Yesterday I had my first session with the new therapist. I like her and feel like she gets me. She spent some time getting to know me, then did a recorded hypnosis session with me and then we discussed the cognitive-behavioral work I am to do when I start to feel panicky. I am to spend the next week listening to the recording of the hypnosis session nightly, and getting on the highway as much as I can and when I feel safe to (for now not with rush hour traffic and not mid-city or spots where I know are really busy/crazy…I’ll work up to them), using the CB techniques whenever my panic starts rising (mostly when someone seems too close behind me). I go back next week.
Today I took the toll Highway (against rush hour, so not too bad traffic) for about 40kms, and was okay…but my triggers never really got set off. Then I too the busier highway (401) back to the office…I did about 10 miles…a few times other cars seemed to close on my butt and I started feeling panic rise and used the techniques. They helped settle it…it didn’t go away but it also didn’t spiral out of control like it was last week.
I am not sure if anyone wants the specific (a bit silly) details of what wasn’t working before, what I am trying now…etc. If so let me know, if not…just know that I seem to be getting somewhere with this new therapist. She does not feel it will be too long or tough for me, since it is so recent, I am already able to at least make myself get on the highway (she has had client who could barely sit in their cars, or have been off highways for years, or forever) and I seem to be a very determined, motivated strong-willed person (when I am, once I set my mind to something).