A success, and a failure.

My long-time readers already know about the bridge. For new readers, I will give a short summary. Basically I did not drive on the highway (was scared to) until I was around 30 years old, and then I forced myself to learn how, for the job I currently hold. There is a bridge that I have always been a scared of, however about eight years ago when I first got this job, I had a client I had to visit over the bridge. I would go over the bridge on occasion, and always practically hyperventilate. About seven years ago, I learned to avoid the bridge with an easy detour, and have done so ever since. One and a half years ago, I had a bad car accident, and suffered driving anxiety as a result. I did some therapy, and overcame my anxiety. However, I have never been able to get back on the bridge. Even though it’s not a big deal, and I only have to go somewhere that requires it, or the detour, 3 to 4 times a year… It’s still always bothers me that I cannot overcome the fear. It bothered me before my accident, and it bothered me even more after…since I had worked so hard to overcome my driving anxiety it seemed like one the little failure. Anyway, today I drove to visit the client that lives on the other side of the bridge. On my way there I took the detour, on my way back, at the last second, I decided to drive over the bridge. I think it was because a song I really like was on the radio, and I know that singing along helps me. Also, it was very nice weather (cold but clear sunny skies), and there was not a lot of traffic. Anyway, I did it. I definitely felt a bit panicky and anxious, but I kept singing and kept it together. I feel awesome, doing this thing that I have too been scared to do for over 7 years!



This afternoon, since I was working at home and had skipped my break, I decided to try a class at my exercise studio that I have never tried before. It was called “cardio boot camp”.  I really had no idea what to expect, but since I consider myself quite fit and can run and spin and practice some pretty bad-ass yoga, I figure I’d be fine. Well, I wasn’t. The class involved 10 one minute intervals of cardiovascular and strength exercises. The cardio exercises were all high-impact with jumping (knee ups with jumps, jumping jacks, burpees), and all the strength work was done very quickly. I did the first 10 minutes cycle, keeping up with the teacher. By the end of it, I seriously thought I was going to vomit. I also thought I was going to pee in my pants (jumping!), and was very uncomfortable because I had not worn one of my heavy duty running bras, but instead was wearing a lightweight yoga bra and because I had lunch and a snack both in the two hours before class…not realizing I was going to such a high impact class (or that I was going to a class a all, it was a last minute decision). The teacher saw that I was struggling, and suggested I slow down and go at my own pace, which I did for 2 more cycles. But by that point, the damage was done. I felt like I was going to vomit and could not get myself feeling better again. Also, I am not somebody likes to take it easy. I don’t mind going to my own pace to a point…but I was not going to go through the next half of the class feeling sick and feeling like I was nowhere close to keeping up. So I left. I have never done that before, but I was just not prepared to feel like that for another half hour. There were two other women in the class, one of them was very very fit and did fine. The other one was keeping her movements very small and slow, and managed like that. Probably if I had started like that, I would’ve been okay, but I started too intense, I just never got my groove. I don’t really care though, I don’t think that kind of class is for me. I like to work hard, but I don’t think that kind of exertion and impact is what I want or need. I know that I could get results from it, but I also get results from what I am doing and enjoy. I am a firm believer that you don’t have to work to the point of exhaustion, pain or making yourself feel sick to have a good body and be fit. I guess if I kept up with the class eventually I would be able to do it, but it is a time I cannot usually attend anyway, and I really don’t want to. Anyway, even though I know that leaving the class was fine for me, and I am generally happy with my level of fitness, I’m still feeling a little bit embarrassed and bad about myself. Oh well, I will get over it…at least I drove over the scary bridge!


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