Battling pounds again 

I am so annoyed. Since New Years I’ve been tracking calories again, and paying extra attention to exercise (added strength training, really working when I’m on the soon bike) but I’m not losing at all! It fluctuates a lot so I cannot say I’m gaining either…but I’m clearly not losing and I’m frustrated.
 
I just don’t know why it is so fucking hard for me to get to and maintain even the upper end of my healthy BMI! It drives me absolutely crazy that I have an overweight BMI. I know it’s just a number, but I hate it! I did not work this hard to lose weight, and then maintain it, and then lose more weight, to still be overweight! 
 
On the bright side, most of my clothing still fits and certainly anybody that I have asked…and I’ve asked people I know will be honest…says they cannot see that I’ve gained any weight. But it still driving me crazy! I was around 140 this time last year, now I am around 155… I feel so much better about myself when I am around 140, but I cannot seem to get back there and I do not want to do something drastic like a fad diet or whatever…because I know that only last as long as the diet does, but I just don’t know how much I can on willing to change my every day lifestyle (I work out everyday but Friday and eat very well except the occasional indulgence meal with friends…and I make sure to work out extra those days)! 
 
I keep thinking I should cut out sugar…but I know if I do, it’s not going to last! Not only do I enjoy sweet things (and the sugar alternatives are either just as caloric and sugar, or a chemical carcinogenic nightmare), but I do not want to become one of those people that makes a big deal about whether or not everything I eat has sugar! It’s hard enough to do that with meat and gluten and although I want to have a healthy and balanced diet (and believe I do), I do not want to become one of those women, (or mothers), who acts like anything that is not fruits, vegetables, or lean protein is the devil.
 
I had blood work a couple weeks ago, all my levels came back normal, and my thyroid is fine. The only concern was that I was no longer immune to measles… I had the shot yesterday but it’s not going to help me lose weight!
 
I think I’m going to make some little changes to my habits, and see if they help:
-drink a big glass of water before every meal or snack. No eating until I’ve had water (I’ve done it in the past and it has helped with portion control, but I’ve gotten out of the habit). 
-No alcohol on weeknights, even if I have room for it in calorie tracker. Again, this is something I’ve done in the past that has helped, because although having a drink at night is not “eating after dinner” (which I never do unless I’m at a party, and I rarely go to parties!)…wine does have a pretty high sugar content and I’m sure it is better to not consume so many calories shortly before bed. I love having a glass of wine to relax after the kids have gone to bed, but not enough to gain weight for it! 
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