I want to tell a little story (that most of my readers know), then share an article that is helping me feel better.
In 2010 I lost about 40 pounds. Kept it off about three years and then in 2013 I lost the last 15 (+2) pounds I wanted to to get to my goal weight. I maintained it for a while…but over the last year (mostly the last few months) I have gained about 15 pounds back. I don’t know exactly why, because my eating and exercise habits have not changed much. Maybe stress is a factor? Maybe age is a factor? I’m just not sure. Anyway, early this year I became very aware that I really had gained a little too much weight, because my clothing was not fitting well. I had to put four of my favorite pairs of jeans away in my closet, because of the enormous uncomfortable muffin top they created! I started being more mindful about my eating, and I started being more mindful about my exercise. The biggest change I made was adding weight-lifting to my exercise, because for years I’ve been told that if I lift weights I will lose more fat, lose more weight, and look better. I lost about 4-5lbs right away and that was that! I spoke to a nutritionist and added a supplement and thought I was seeing a little progress.
I don’t weigh myself on my scale at home very much, because it’s really pretty iffy and depends on how I’m standing on it! I know I should get a better scale, but I don’t want to because I also know I have a tendency to be obsessed with my scale. Instead, I weigh myself on the scale at my office, because it’s quite consistent, and I am not at my office every day. I weighed myself before March break. In the week I was off I ate very carefully, I had a couple indulgent snacks (but honestly tracked them in myfitnesspal). For the most part, I ate very well, and I exercised every single day, even started running again. I definitely noticed that I was looking slimmer in the mirror, and my clothing was fitting better. All four pairs of jeans came out of the closet and back on my booty! I came back to work yesterday excited to get on the scale, sure that I had lost a few pounds.
I gained 3.
I don’t know if it is real weight, or water weight, or what it is. It’s still there today, and suddenly I look in the mirror (wearing one of those pairs of jeans I couldn’t button a month ago) and instead of feeling great like I did on Sunday, I feel like a fat slob. I hate myself, I look at my lunch and don’t want to eat it because it looks like fat.
How sad is that?
So I did some googling, and I found this article. I think I’m going to try it. I think I am going to not weigh myself for an entire month, and see how it feels. I don’t know if I can commit to never weighing myself again, but I know I have to weigh myself less, because how my body feels in it’s clothing, how it looks in the mirror, and how it feels when I’m using it should matter more than a number on the scale. A number on the scale should not have the power to bring me from feeling like I’m on top of the world to feeling like dirt under somebodies shoe. I don’t know if I can change the way that number makes me feel, so I’m going to try to stop looking at that number.
My lovely colleague took this picture of me today. She also said I probably gained the pounds in my brain! Creepy but sweet!