The waiting room

 

Biopsy day has come. Everybody is sending me wishes for good luck, and I appreciate it but to be honest I’m not sure why, because today isn’t anything. It’s a  30 minute procedure that I have to go to through to confirm what I already know. Maybe “good luck I hope it doesn’t hurt”. To be honest, until right before they gave me that needle, I wasn’t even worried about it hurting (added after the update!) 

If you go on any bulletin board or support group regarding cancer, you will hear that the waiting room is the worst place. It’s true, both figuratively and literally. The waiting room is really a metaphor for the whole waiting game that is being diagnosed with cancer. 

Finding a lump (or having something show on a mammogram, or other symptoms), waiting to see what your doctor says. Getting an ultrasound, waiting to see what the results say. Getting a mammogram, waiting for those results. Getting a biopsy, more results. Waiting for surgery, then waiting for the results from your surgery to find out your next steps. Waiting waiting waiting. 

I guess in some ways I’m through the worst of it, because I already know that I have breast cancer. In other ways it feels harder, because I know I have breast cancer and I want to start treating it. I am also painfully aware that Zoë’s Bat Mitzvah is on November 21, and treatment will have to be well timed to not ruin her special day!! 

Post Biopsy Update at around 3pm:  The radiologist confirmed that it is very small (around 1cm), but likely malignant. Not news to me. Surgeon should get results and call me around Friday.

The biopsy was easy but my boob is still frozen.

I think it was hard for my husband. I was crying while waiting for the lidocaine needle…so scared it would hurt and knowing it was just the first of more intrusive painful things I’ll encounter. It’s the first time I’ve cried at one of the appointments.

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