It’s hard to believe that today makes two months since the day I found the lump in my breast, it feels like that was the day that everything changed. Of course it took a few more weeks to get diagnosed, but I knew the minute I found it that it was probably cancer.
As difficult, scary, and stressful as this has been, some good things have come from it, and I hope they will continue to. Here are a few:
1. I have reconnected with some old friends that I haven’t really been in touch with recently. When people hear you have cancer (or any serious illness, I assume), they reach out! It also makes me a little less scared to set aside my fear and pride and reach out to people, because I want everybody that’s important to me to be in my life now. I don’t want to let pettiness hurt relationships.
2. I have learned to stop sweating the small stuff. When something like this happens, you realize just how much little things don’t matter. A few weeks ago I tried on a jacket in a store, and got my top stuck in the zipper and had to rip it out. It was one of my favorite tops! In the past I would’ve cried and been so upset, instead I just bought a new top!
3. I am learning just how strong my marriage is, and how supportive my husband is. He has seriously been my rock. I have no doubt this is scary for him, but he has been there for me every step of the way, and shows no fear. Just love.
4. We got Pheobe. Adam didn’t want another cat, and I’m sure he would’ve made us wait a lot longer. But I’m not ashamed to admit I pulled the cancer card. After losing princess right in the middle of this, we needed something normal and happy in our home. I’m not sure we ended up with a normal cat, but she does make us happy!
5. I’ve learned just how tough and resilient my kids are. I was terrified to tell them, but they are doing amazing. I guess I’ve also learned that I’m a good parent, because I’m pretty sure I did something right to tell them without them seeming particularly traumatized, anxious, or upset (either that, or my really bad parent and they just don’t care. But considering all the loving I’ve been getting, I don’t think that’s the case). Zoe in particular is at a very sensitive age, and prone to drama and getting anxious about things…but she’s great!
6. I’ve been getting lots of hugs. I’m a pretty affectionate person, so that doesn’t bother me. I’m sure it would be a negative for some! people!