I’m so over this already! Somehow my recovery seems to feel worse not better. I don’t actually feel worse than (or is it then…it is both comparative and about a past time, so I don’t fucking know!) I did a few days ago, I feel the same…but it feels like I feel worse because I wish I was feeling better already! I’m not in a lot of pain in the incisions, but I am still quite weak and woozy, and after a few minutes on my feet I need to rest.
I’m also having some unanticipated pain in my chest and ribs, evidently this is likely from the position I was in during surgery. It’s not unbearable or anything, but I wish it wasn’t there. It feels like I had a really great upper body workout, but unfortunately I haven’t and it’s a bit of a sad reminder that I’m not working out the way I like to right now. Exercise is a huge part of my life, and not being able to work out really bothers me. Of course I know I will be more active soon, but I don’t know when I will be able to resume all my usual activities. If it was just surgery it would probably be in a few weeks, but of course it’s not just surgery. Also, because of the underarm incision, I’m pretty sure that it will be quite some time before I’m back to my usual yoga practice.
I’m bit of an emotional mess too. I was on a bit of a high after the surgery, so happy to be finally past the surgery, not in horrible pain, and have the lump out of me. I have come crashing down from that high. I’m still relieved by those things, but I am more aware that I’m still a cancer patient, and probably will be for months to come. I still have radiation ahead of me, possibly chemo and/or hormonal medication as well. Surgery is, hopefully, behind me, but getting to the other side of cancer has just begun. Also, I have heard that it is normal to be a bit down a few days after surgery, supposedly it is a side effect of the anesthesia. Whoever said that wasn’t kidding, I had a full on breakdown today because I couldn’t find my favorite black top, which is long enough to cover my butt in leggings! (It was in the dryer!)
In good news, I did get out of the house a bit yesterday and today. I went for a 20 minute walk yesterday, and ran an errand today. It was definitely exhausting and I needed to recover afterwards, but I was still glad to get out. I’m not a homebody, staying inside all day every day is definitely not good for me! I got back up to 5000 steps yesterday, I’m hoping to do that again today.
My grand accomplishment for today was getting a $50 top up on Zoe’s cell phone, and getting it for free because Rogers was giving me trouble!