Hanging in

I am now on day five of cycle two of chemotherapy. Basically, I’m actually doing pretty well;  I haven’t had a lot of side effects, I’ve only had to take antinauseants a couple times. I’ve been getting out and walking the mall every day, getting activity. I wish I could walk outside, but it’s been very cold and windy which makes my nose run, which hurts my skin which is very sensitive! Of course I have to take it a bit easy or I get tired or queasy or dizzy, but all in all I can’t complain, I know how badly some people are hit by chemo.

Emotionally, I am a bit of mess. I think part of it’s losing my hair, of course I was expecting it, but being faced by it is still very very hard. It doesn’t look horrible exactly, but it is certainly not how I like to look. I’m not sure if I’m going to share with the public or not, since it’s winter in Toronto I guess I have a while to decide. As it is I wear hats almost all the time and inside, and I’ve started wearing wigs a bit more when I go out, I might try wearing one to work on Tuesday. I’ll throw a scarf in my purse so if it gets uncomfortable I can change. Since most people I work with know what’s going on, it won’t be a big surprise, it’s really just how I want to look when I look in the mirror.

I think the steroids also might be impacting me emotionally. I’ve never been on them before, but I’ve heard they can mess with the emotions and it seems to be true. I’ve been weepy a lot and bitchy and the edgy a lot. I try to keep it under control around the people I love, but it’s hard. Luckily I am only on them four days out of every three weeks, today is my first day off them this cycle! I will probably fall asleep around 7 PM, but I’m still glad to be done with them for a few weeks. On the bright side I have heard they can make people swollen, and eat a lot, and gain weight. I haven’t had any of these issues.

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