Nothing good 

I know. It’s been a while. Sorry about that…mostly I’ve just had nothing good to say. I’d rather be positive than negative but sometimes it’s hard to do so. So a brief update, in point form: 

1. The miserable docetaxol side effects lasted until around Sunday. 

2. Sadly March break was still awful. Monday and Tuesday I had awful migraines (likely the weather) and by Wednesday I was so sick with a virus that I ended up in the ER (I am supposed to go to the ER when I get a fever, to make sure that it’s not due to a low blood count + bacterial infection, which could be very dangerous for me. Luckily my white count was OK)

3. I spent the rest of March break and the weekend afterwards barely able to drag myself out of bed because my cold/flu/whatever was so awful. 

(I always have a rough time this time of year, with both migraines and getting colds. My body just does not like the transition to spring. This year it’s worse though, because things I would normally do to make myself feel better like oil of oregano and vitamin C are not advised during chemo. Also, everything is harder and feels worse in the middle of chemo). 

Seeing all the fun other families were having over March break, home and away, while I was shivering in my bed was profoundly depressing.

4. My cold is bearable now, but I barely have a voice, and I am certainly nowhere near 100%. 

5. I am losing my eyelashes. Not only do they look awful (who knew eyes could have bald patches?), but the skin around them is tender and achy. I sometimes feel like I hate every woman I see with hair and eyebrows and eyelashes. 

6. My contract at work ends soon (my last day is tomorrow since I’m back in chemo next week). I will be going back to my old department (with some cancer friendly limits on my work). That is a good thing in one way, because I do love my department and my job and love the people that work there, and it will be nice to be surrounded all the time by colleagues that I know are friends and supportive. But it’s also hard because I really liked what I was doing, and the people I was doing it with. I’m also feeling at a bit of a crossroads in my career now, as I suspect some opportunities may arise that will interest me…but it’s so hard to think about that with the next few months feeling so uncertain (and even I let myself think about it, the rest of my life feeling so uncertain). 

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