Today is my first day back at work after my sixth and final chemotherapy cycle. That feels significant, because when I embarked on this journey (what a stupid word) of chemotherapy and working through it, it didn’t seem like I could really make it to the end. I was just trying.
I did it though, I have worked through six chemotherapy cycles, and now I am at the end of this part of my treatment. Six is also significant because it is almost exactly 6 months since the day I was diagnosed, October 27.
In honour of the number six, I written a list of six things I’ve learned about myself through these past six months and past six cycles. They are all things I’ve though about a lot, mostly about personal responsibility when life doesn’t turn out the way you expect it to.
1. Everything is not about me, even when it feels like it should be. Things that feel personal probably aren’t really about me at all.
2. I know myself best. I know what’s good for me and what isn’t, and have to follow those insticts to be at my best.
3. I cannot make people reach out to me, if I want someone in my life I have to reach out to them. The other option is waiting and feeling resentful when they don’t, which is a stupid option because it’s nobody else’s job to call me, email me, or text me just because I want them to. I know how to pick up the phone if I want to talk to somebody. If I don’t then the lack of communication is nobody’s fault but mine.
4. Some people just cannot deal with bad shit happening, and don’t know how to be supportive. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, it’s just how they are. I can choose to accept them in my life or not, but I can’t change it. trying to force it doesn’t help.
5. Whatever is wrong in my life, it is my job to deal with it. Sometimes I cannot do that in the way I most want to, if circumstances or people don’t cooperate. But that’s okay, it’s still in my power to figure it out.
6. I can inject myself in the stomach.