Really? Just no 

We recently got back from a weekend in BlueMountain, we had a great time as always, more about that later.

The purpose of this post is to share this picture, it is of a board I saw outside a restaurant: 

This was quite offensive to me. To confirm that I wasn’t crazy, I shared it with one of my breast cancer groups, and it was to many of those women too.

Of course it’s great that they are fundraising for run for the cure (which by the way I too will be doing and will share more information about later). 

But messages the talk about saving breasts, especially for the purpose of satisfying men to get to “second base”, is just not cool. We need a cure for cancer to save lives, not breasts. When we do talk about breast saving procedures (which I had) , it is  to spare bc patients a more physically and emotionally  intrusive surgery, not to maintain the ability to reach second base. 

I know that they probably meant it to be cute and funny, but as a breast cancer survivor, I did not find it cute and funny. 

After thinking about it a lot, I went over and talk to them. I thanked them for the fundraising and suggested that they consider changing the sign, because breast cancer is not really about whether or not somebody can feel me up, it’s about whether I live or not, and whether or not somebody else can get to second base with me is the least of my concerns. I acknowledged that it was just meant to be cute and funny, but that they never know who is looking at it, there there could be other breast cancer survivors around and probably are, and it’s very hurtful for us to see what we’ve gone through reduced to a sexual activity. They apologized profusely and said they would speak to the manager.

I hope they change the sign. 


6 thoughts on “Really? Just no 

  1. I’m not sure how old you are or if you are married or not or how long you have been dealing with breast cancer…for me, I am not yet 40, I have been married almost 20 years, and in less than a month I am losing one of my breasts to breast cancer.

    The idea pisses me off and is incredibly emotional–not because it makes me any less of a woman or because I need it to feel like a whole person–but because I completely enjoy when my husband touches me or kisses my nipples. I completely enjoy “second base” and in less than a month I will NEVER get to experience that again in the same way. There are other reasons why the experience of a mastectomy is emotionally difficult, but since you addressed the notion of second base, I am responding to that.

    I personally do not find the sign offensive in the slightest. In fact, I think it’s cute and kind of funny. But humour has been how I have coped with this disease. My diagnosis was the worst of the worst of breast cancers. My chances of contracting this kind of breast cancer was a 2% chance, and being under 40, my chances of getting cancer statistically was 5%. When all is said and done after chemo (just completed), and mastectomy and then radiation, I have a higher chance of reoccurrence than with any other type of breast cancer, and the mortality rate for me (stage 3) is estimated on average to be 21 months after initial treatment. I have three kids and the last thing I want to think about is dying and leaving them without their mother. If I spent the next 21 months dwelling on every nuance of “how” someone said something, I would die an emotional and spiritual death before this cancer could ever kill me physically. So I see this sign and think it is drop dead hilarious, and if it helps them gain more attention in order to raise more money for cancer research, then who I am to even be offended?

    Just another position to consider. This disease robs us of so much, does it have to rob us of our sense of humour too?

    • Dear conceived, I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis and hope you do well with treatment and recovery and beat those numbers. If you know nothing about me except what is in this post, feel free to read more and learn more…I am 42, have 2 kids, am married, found the cancer almost a year ago, and also miss second base (I had a lumpectomy, but no longer have any feeling in that side…so, yeah).

      However, it is okay for me to feel as I do; that this sign is not cool and BC awareness needs to focus on lives, not focus on breasts and sexual activities. You’re are free to disagree…but I will assure you that my sense of humour is indeed intact and I have to yet die an emotional or spriritual death. One I have learned since this ordeal started is that there is no right or better way to be a person with cancer, so you do you and I’ll do me. Have a great day and good luck with everything!

      • well I guess that is where I do disagree with you, because for me, sex is a very important part of my life and while I do want to live, I want to live and experience every possible sensation and pleasure available to me. Not in a derogatory sense, but in a way that brings vitality and passion. Breast cancer, even when survived, can still rob us of so much of our “life” as we once knew it. Chemo can throw us into early menopause (and has for me), it can rob us of our fertility, it robs us of our sensation in our breasts, it robs us of our mental cognitive functions and so much more. I suppose where my point of view comes in is that while I agree that focus should be on lives, it’s also the quality of our lives that are important as well. Sex is a very big part of my quality of life. I enjoy sex very much and I am quite pissed off that breast cancer is affecting that aspect of my life.
        There are a lot of things regarding sex and breasts that are misogynistic, derogatory, and outright sexist…but part of breast cancer awareness is the fact that sensation is lost and it will affect sexual activity. With the advancements we have achieved in our society in breast cancer survival rates and treatments, we can also focus on the quality of our saved lives right?

      • Well, except for the fact that I find that sign offensive and you don’t, I can agree with everything else you wrote and if you read beyond this post you’d know that-my marriage, my sex life, my quality-of-life, enjoying my life, are all extremely important to me. They were before cancer and they are moreso now. I too am in chemo induced menopause, and will be in menopause for good starting next week, I am heartbroken about what that is going to do to my life. I don’t care about my period or my fertility, but just thinking about what it could do to my quality of life makes me start crying.

        I feel like you’ve made a lot of assumptions about me based on the fact that I don’t like this sign, but whatever. Have a great day!

      • I’m not meaning to make assumptions, and if it weren’t for the fact this it is Labour Day and my kids go back to school tomorrow I would love to sit and read your past blogs. A friend of mine shared your blog post with me, and my initial response was different from yours when reading your post at face value. I am not being confrontational for the sake of being antagonistic, I am simply trying to engage in conversation.
        There are a lot of different reasons why people believe the way they do; religion, cultural differences, family dynamics, life experiences, political leanings etc. While the sign itself has offended you, I personally am not offended by your view point, I am merely engaging in conversation. At face value, your initial statements were pretty strong. As I am a stranger to your blog, that was my initial reaction. That’s all.

  2. I understand, I apologize. I don’t think we are so different. I hope you will have time to peruse my blog more!

    I just don’t like the sign because although I absolutely think quality of life is and should be a priority for cancer research, treatment and advocacy…I still think that public displays should not be focused on the sexuality of breasts, and the term “second base” is one that usually refers to males reaching a sexual goal with females. There is a lot of importance in discussion and education about the impact cancer, even “treatable” or “curable” cancer, has on the one’s quality of life…but for a quick message like this one, I would like to see the focus to not be on men’s ability to reach a sexual conquest. That’s all.

    You are welcome to disagree, as you have. Enjoy your labour day!

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