Facebook friends, and thoughtfulness

Recently somebody I know complained about people that defriend her on Facebook because of things she posts that have nothing to do with them. 

Here is my, summarized, response to that:

If you are posting things on Facebook that have nothing to do with the Facebook friends who you are complaining about, that’s what private messages are for. We are all different, some people are more sensitive than others, it is not fair to post something to all of your Facebook friends, and then judge people for their response to it and say it had nothing to do with them anyway. If it has nothing to do with them, why are you putting it out for them to read? If somebody matters to you enough for you to be Facebook friends with them, then how you make them feel should also matter to you. If the things you’re posting are making them feel bad enough to defriend you, instead of blaming them perhaps you should look at your timeline and work on gaining some insight. 

Over the years, I have often been upset or offended by things people put on Facebook. I know that I’m  a sensitive person, and I am far past the point where I am embarrassed or ashamed by that. There are far worse things to be bring sensitive. One of those things is being the kind of person that doesn’t care if they hurt other people’s feelings. 

Here are the things people do on Facebook that, if they are done repeatedly, will probably make me want to unfollow or defriend, and may even make me do so.

-Constantly calling out who ones best friends are, tagging them in posts etc. I think it is very rude and high school-ish and cliquish to feel the need to constantly point out to everybody you know who your BFF is. It’s one thing to call out someone because it’s a specific situation that’s appropriate, but to repeatedly be doing so in front of everybody, including people that might feel closer to you than you do to them, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

-Making and sharing your plans. Again you have people on your Facebook that are watching your plans, seeing who you are including and who you aren’t. We all know it is rude to make or discuss plans in person when people who aren’t included are around, it is also rude to do it on Facebook. 

-Nonstop bragging. There are always people that have it better than us, and people that have it worse than us. You can pretty well guarantee that somebody on your Facebook is going through a really shitty time, so even though it’s certainly OK to talk about some good things in your life, if everything you post is for the purpose of making sure everybody knows how happy you are, how rich you are, how much fun you’re having, how great your life is, it’s almost a guarantee that somebody is reading it and feeling like crap about thier own life. 

-Nonstop complaining. Again, there is always somebody that has it better than you, and somebody that has it worse than you. It’s OK to complain on occasion about something you are going through, but if all you have to say is negative, particularly when people that know you know there are good things in your life that you’re not recognizing, and you are probably getting on peoples nerves. 

In a nutshell…things people with good social skills don’t do in person (tell other, less friends who your BFF is, talk about plans in front of people that weren’t included, constantly brag and or complain) shouldn’t be done on fb (where are you generally have a much bigger audience than you would in person). If you do, that’s your prerogative…it is your timeline afterall, but I’d suggest then not getting pissy about people defriending you. Whether or not you think it has to do with them…if you are posting it where they can see it..it does. Every single thing you post on facebook has the capacity to impact every single friend you have on facebook.


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