As my hair has grown from nonexistent to a buzz cut to a very short pixie to a pretty typical pixie cut; I have learned to like it short…and unless they are all lying so does just about everybody I know.
In spite of that, I have always thought that I needed to grow it back, and then if I still preferred it short I could cut it. After all, cancer took my hair away, and if it’s going to be short, it needs to be on my terms.
Something interesting happened to me today though, I went to the hairdresser to get it cleaned up and she said “Jill, you know if you keep getting your hair trimmed, it’s never going to grow back?”.
It occurred to me that I don’t care. So I said, “I don’t care”.
I realized it doesn’t matter if I wait for my hair to grow back or not. No matter whether I choose to cut or keep it short, it’s by my terms. Going through the awkwardness and time it takes to grow my hair back, all to possibly cut it short again, that’s pointless.
I like it the way it is now, so this is how it will stay for now.
Who knows, maybe in a few years I will decide to grow it again? Maybe in a few months I will? Maybe I won’t cut it again for two years and today’s epiphany will last but a moment?
But for now, I’ve decided to own my pixie! its not chemo hair anymore, its mine. I choose it.