Good and bad stuff


1. It is spring, the weather is warming up, I plan to start running again (today!), and of course walking is much more pleasant!

2.  I’ve been going to fit-boxing once a week, and really enjoying it. I’ve actually been doing that instead of yoga, because I love the Wednesday night fit-box class and I don’t really like the Wednesday night yoga class I was attending (great teacher, but the class just isn’t very challenging for me. Which was OK when I was just getting back into yoga but now I need more if I’m going to go). I love Monday night’s yoga class, but I can’t go right now because of a schedule conflict, but that will end in May and I think yoga on Mondays, boxing on Wednesdays, and my own workouts (combination of cardio, and strength training) the rest of the week will be perfect! 


1. It is spring. Even though there are a lot of good things about spring, I still hate spring. I was reading an article yesterday about reverse seasonal affective disorder and I wonder if that’s an issue for me. I always have a hard time in March, April and early May. Physically I tend to get tired and headache-y easily and also tend to get sick more easily this time of year. Emotionally I tend to be overly sensitive, easily hurt, and tearful. Somewhat depressed…not to the point that I can’t function or anything like that…but just to the point that I notice I feel less happy. I think some of it is because my husband works so much more this time of year so there is a lot more pressure on me at home (which adds to work pressure as well, as I have to make sure I am not stuck working late, which is hard in my job), as the kids get older that gets easier however I still have the same emotional response to this time of year. 

2. This may be related to number 1 but I don’t think so, because it’s actually been happening for a long time. The people I’ve considered my closest friends over the last few years don’t seem like close friends anymore, and it’s pretty clear that it’s not going to improve-the details aren’t important I will just say that it’s clear that a close friendship is not a priority anymore. That is fine, people and relationships change. I still have some close friends…but not as many as I would like, and although I don’t need to be the most popular girl around, I am a super social person and like to know there are people I can reach out to to go for coffee or do something with our families. My circle has gotten smaller and I don’t know how to make it bigger again.

3. Iv’e been struggling a lot with insomnia since my surgery. This is not uncommon but I’m not sure what to do about it. Ativan helps me sleep however it is habit-forming so I don’t like to take it every night. Melatonin used to help but it doesn’t seem to anymore, and it gives me such crazy dreams that even if I do sleep it is not restful. My oncologist has offered me an antidepressant that sometimes helps with hot flashes off label, but hot flashes are not my problem and when I looked at the potential side effects (insomnia is a very common one, also headaches!!!) I decided not to take it. I have been going to acupuncture and although I have noticed it is improving some other issues, my sleep has not improved. I’m starting to look at some supplements but I have to be careful, because there are supplements breast cancer survivors are supposed to avoid! I’m also trying meditation and mindfulness, and thinking back to the cognitive behavioral techniques I learned years ago. Hopefully some of the techniques I am using will start working better soon and I will be getting better sleep, but in the meantime it’s very frustrating! It’s also a painful and sad reminder that even though it seems like the cancer is “over”, it is still hurting me and I don’t get my life back (yet). 


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