There comes a day

Every fall, there comes a day where I have to pull on my  skinniest jeans (The Looker, by Mother Denim) for the first time, after months of forgiving dresses, skirts, and lightweight summer pants.  

It’s always a bit scary for me; no matter what the scale says, I’m always convinced I’ve gained too much weight over the summer and my jeans won’t go back on.

Today was that day:


Yeah! I know it seems weird that I’m still so happy about my size, but we all hear all the time about people that lose weight and gain it back…so every year that I keep off the weight I lost in 2010-13 feels like an accomplishment to be proud of, especially after everything I have been through physically and emotionally in those last few years! I’m not someone that loses weight when I am sick or stressed, I gain, so it has definitely taken work to stay like this, even through menopause and the reduced activity that cancer and it’s treatment has brought into my life!

Hopefully soon I will be able to get as strong and as active as I used to be, I keep waiting for it to happen but it’s very hit and miss. I’ve heard sometimes it can take five years to get back to where one was, physically, before cancer and chemotherapy. Of course considering that at that time I will be five years older and I’m already a middle-aged woman…that’s not really very reassuring but it is what it is!

Other news, as you can see my hair is finally long enough that I don’t have to slick it back or clip at that. Not every day some days it just doesn’t work, but some days I wear it down and it is now a very short bob! 

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New eye stuff

Recently I received an optimum points promotion to try a new mascara by Lancôme called (cheesy!) Monsieur Big. 


I normally do not buy high-end mascara is because I find Covergirl lash blast does a great job! Every once in a while if I have points or there is a sale I will get Benefit They’re Real

This mascara was definitely a splurge and a treat for me, unfortunately I ended up very disappointed. The brush is very thick and fiberous and very messy to apply. My eyelashes were thick, but very clumped together. I could barely brush them through with an eyelash comb, and I was a challenge make them look neat and tidy. The mascara has great reviews but somehow it’s just not right for me. I gave it to my daughter to try after cleaning off the wand, and she had similar results. It kind of breaks my heart to throw out a $30 mascara, but I won’t use it.

I’ve been struggling a lot with eyeliner lately. I’m not sure if my eyelids have gotten more oily or wrinkly or what, but it seems no matter what eyeliner pencil I use, I get creasing, which is when the eyeliner creates an arc on my lid. Sometimes I  can actually blend the creasing in and use it to create a dramatic eyeshadow look, but most days where I just want neutral eyeshadow and eyeliner, it is a pain! I can use powder…but I want a pencil!!!!

I’ve tried eyeliners by Almay, Pixi, and Annabel and they all do the same thing. Liquid eyeliner does not crease, however I don’t like using it for every day because I like a softer line.

After doing piles of online research, I ended up buying Urban Decay 24/7 Glide eyeliner. It’s not cheap, but it’s got excellent reviews! I got it yesterday and I’m not disappointed. 

I put it on my hand and pressed my finger to it, it smudged just a tiny bit, 10 seconds later, it would not budge at all. That’s perfect because I need it to be able to smudge a tiny bit so I can smoke it out, and then I want it to stay put! This eyeliner just does just that. I draw a line on my upper eyelid, quickly blended with an eyeliner brush, and keep my eyelids shut for about 5 seconds to make sure there is no creasing or transferring. It’s great, looks amazing and mess free, all day!

Here are pics of she liner and mascara, I know the mascara does not look too bad, but it took a lot of combing  me to get it to look like this! My usual mascara I don’t have to comb at all!
My hair is a disaster, that’s for another post!

Vegan cheese sauce

Nacho chips and cheese sauce is one of my very favourite things, obviously being vegan puts a bit of a damper on that. I’ve tried a lot of different sauce recipes, and this one from veggieonapenny.com is my very favorite!

Ingredients

2 C. potatoes, diced large

1 C. carrots, diced large

1/2 C. water

1/3 C. olive oil

2 tsp. salt

1 Tbsp. lemon juice (fresh is best!)

1/2 C. nutritional yeast flakes

1/4 tsp. onion powder (opt.)

1/4 tsp. garlic powder (opt.)

dash of cayenne (opt.)

1/2 tsp. McKay’s chicken-style seasoning, vegan (opt.)

Instructions

Boil the potatoes and carrots until soft.

Blend potatoes and carrots together along with the rest of the ingredients on high in blender until the cheese is extremely smooth. I use my high-powered VitaMix blender.

Store in refrigerator for up to a week.

I do not use any chicken style seasoning, nor do I add cayenne. Also my blender is a KitchenAid five speed classic, which works perfectly! 

Otherwise I follow the recipe exactly!

The kind of person I want to be

Over the last couple years I’ve had to do a lot of soul-searching, trying to figure out what kind of person I want to be and how I want to live. 

-I want to be someone that is there for other people. I don’t want to let other people’s problems take over my life (which is hard for me, I’m often up at night thinking about other people’s problems both people in my personal life and work and that is something I need to work on), but I don’t want to abandon people either. I want people to know they can count on me. I know what it’s like to not be able to count on people during hard times, I never want to make others feel that way. 

-I want to give more than I take. I can be materialistic, but I feel much better about giving. I no longer sell my used items, instead I donate them, even the high-end ones. It gives me joy to think about somebody who could never afford a high-end handbag or shoes, even secondhand, finding one as a donation. If I can afford to buy these things, I can afford to give them away. 

-I don’t want to be jealous anymore. Everybody always seems to have more than me; more material things, more money, more vacations, more friends, better jobs. Maybe it’s just perception, but it seems to be true, however so what? I have a happy marriage, healthy children, as far as I know I am healthy too. I have a roof over my head and we can pay our bills, we have jobs and go on vacations and I have loving family and some good friends. I don’t need to be jealous of other people, I have what I need. 

-I want to truly let go of what and who doesn’t Bring me more joy than pain. I’ve tried to, but I keep turning back to things that hurt me over and over again. I need to learn to stop doing that. Personally, and professionally. I’m tired of falling in the same hole. 

-I want to stop beating myself up for what’s wrong with me. I’m not perfect, but I don’t deserve to feel bad about myself, and deserve to let others feel like I should.